Words like “Free Music” and “Helping People” – Who Can Resist!

When the email from

Soul Session’s Eloise King popped into my inbox a few days ago I was enthusiastic to open it.  Having been a follower of Eloise’s work at Soul Sessions for some time now, I know I will always have a treat in store when I open her emails.

The magic words popped up on my screen beckoning me seductively away from my work – she’s a great writer by the way.

Download cool music for free & feed 10 hungry Aussies in just one click. Whoa!

I was immediately intrigued – “free music”, and “helping hungry people” and on the other side of the world moreover….. Well what can I say….. I wasn’t going to go back to my work…

As I read further, more wonderful words such as “awesome”, “generous” and “connectedness” popped into my brain and fizzled through my nervous system; my soul smiled in recognition of the Oneness.

Warmth and Love and OH

Warmth and Love spread through me as I read on.

Eloise went on to explain that Sydney based songwriter APPLEONIA has created a new album called OH. It features musical contributions by many other amazing artists including Ian Ball (Gomez), Nic Johns (The Motels), El May and Nadav Kahn.

You can download the album here absolutely free.

http://www.appleoniamusic.com/ozharvest/

When you download the album for FREE, Vittoria Coffee will make a donation to OzHarvest, the organisation that rescues excess food and delivers it to vulnerable Australians.
For every album downloaded, the equivalent of 3 meals will be donated to people in need, with the ultimate goal of reaching 44,000 meals.

Connectedness – Our Human Family

This is the beauty of the internet. We can be in different time zones; we can have oceans between us; we can be 11,000 miles apart – yet still we can be as One Human family. Helping and supporting each other; reciprocally offering generosity and validation.

An abundance of care and kindness can be achieved by simply spreading the word – as a relationship of collaboration is created instantaneously.

Being here in the UK and not having travelled to Australia for a number of years I wondered about the two organisations involved; Vittoria Coffee and OzHarvest.

Vittoria Coffee is the largest pure coffee company in Australia. They are big on community involvement and work to help many organisations globally.

OzHarvest is a charity that rescues excess food which would otherwise be discarded and thus wasted. This excess food is distributed to charities supporting the vulnerable in Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Gold Coast and Newcastle.

Thanks to OzHarvest, not only do vulnerable people get a good meal but the excess food becomes a resource saving thousands of kilograms of food from being dumped as landfill each year. The charity began 10 years ago with just 1 van. Today they have 21 vans and deliver an incredible 480,000 meals per month!

Thank you

So there I was sitting in front of my computer in the United Kingdom and with a click of a button I was able to help my human family on the other side of our beautiful planet Earth.  With just 1 click I was empowered to help them get a meal, save landfill, help Appleonia to make more music AND get a free album for myself!

How cool is that! Thank You !

So if you fancy being part of this wonderful process of reciprocity I recommend you make your 1 click here:

http://www.appleoniamusic.com/ozharvest/

It’s a great album – I’m enjoying it right now in this moment!

So whatever time it is for you “in this moment” and wherever you are based on our beautiful planet Earth – I send you Love and Bliss from my heart to yours in the spirit of our connectedness.

Have you had experiences of sharing, Love and reciprocity across the internet? Have you donated to charity, helped by posting information or in any other way? Have you received help? Or just read a great story online?
Google

By Marléne Rose Shaw

I’d Love to hear your stories. Just pop a comment in the box below………….

Are You An “Unhelpful” Thinker? – 3 Ways to Find Out and What to Do About It!

unhelpful thinker

Are you an unhelpful thinker?

We all have the potential to allow unhelpful thoughts stream in and dominate our emotional well-being. When we do this we make life far more difficult for us than it needs to be.

I use the term “unhelpful thinking” rather than “negative thinking” because when people realise they’re thinking negatively they often get into even more negativity judging themselves for doing so! Identifying your unhelpful thinking isn’t about judging yourself for getting it wrong but rather finding ways to improve your happiness.

Quite often unhelpful thinking is a habit that we don’t even recognise – but here are 3 ways to become more aware of it and 3 ways to shift it!

1. Morning Grumps

If you’re in a bad mood it’s one thing stepping back and considering what you’ve been thinking about to put you there – but what if you wake up in a bad mood? What if you wake up and that feeling of discontent and grumpiness is already there before you’ve even opened your eyes?

The Shift:

You can make the shift from this by beginning to notice your thoughts before you fall asleep at night. Your falling asleep thoughts drift into your subconscious and percolate there ready to be launched as you wake up.

If you go to bed thinking unhelpfully about something:

• Ruminating over some difficult conversation
• Stressing over how you are going to manage a problem
• Regretting some past event

You are likely to wake up with those thoughts hovering, perhaps not at the very surface of your awareness but certainly having a direct effect on how you feel.

Monitor your falling asleep thoughts and specifically choose more helpful ones, such as

“That conversation is over – I can’t change it now. Next time I will approach it differently”
“I’ll write out a plan to manage this problem – tomorrow.”
“The past is gone – but what have I learnt from it?”

2. Oh I Give Up !

Everybody has a dream, we love to make changes in our lives, to do new things and be inspired. People have all sorts of wishes and desires; to write a book, move to a new location, start a business, go to college…….

It can start out well – all is going to plan, then everything seems to go wrong and you get stuck. You think

“What’s the point!”
“Why does everyone else manage to do this but not me?”
“Maybe I’m just doomed to be a failure!”

The Shift

The Shift comes when you begin to understand that every dream – will have rocky patches, hurdles and challenges. Life is all about expanding and evolving, about learning new things so that we can grow into our wisdom. In this way you cannot ever truly gain anything without having to go through some challenges and difficulties.

If you keep giving up on your dreams because you get stuck in challenges you can make the shift by choosing to think:

“Wow – this is a great new challenge”
What can I learn from this experience?
This is part of my journey on this project – who can I ask for help?

3. Exasperating People!”

Is there someone who really annoys you to the point of Grrr! Maybe they seem take up all your emotional energy? Or stop you from getting on with things?

It’s often the case that those people who are the most annoying and exasperating in our lives are the people who are here to teach us the greatest of lessons so that we can learn and become wiser. The trouble is we don’t recognise this but instead get into the unhelpful habit of always expecting them to be a problem to us.

The Shift:

Here’s a powerful little exercise you can do to shift this.

Take a piece of paper and draw a circle. Place the exasperating person in the middle and place yourself somewhere on the edge of the circle. Just below where you have placed yourself write down all the unhelpful thoughts you have about this person.

Now take a different colour pen and choose another part of the circle and draw yourself again. This time you are looking at this person from a different viewpoint – what do they seem like from this different angle? Are they really so bad? What new and more helpful thoughts will you write down about them?

You and Me and All of Us

The secret is that from time to time we are all Unhelpful Thinkers; but practicing these 3 ways to make a shift will help you greatly towards having a happier, wiser and more joyful life.

I’d love to hear your comments on this – do any of these unhelpful ways of thinking resonate with you?

As always, from my heart-space to yours
Marléne Rose Shaw

Google

By Marléne Rose Shaw

With Hindsight

Image courtesy of criminalatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of criminalatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

People often use the word “Hindsight” in a negative way; they either judge themselves for not having done something differently in the past, or regret that they didn’t know any better. But actually we can only ever operate from our current level of awareness.

We Cannot Possibly Know

We cannot “know” now the things that we will know in the future; we could not have known “then” the things we know now. So instead of seeing hindsight in a rueful way, see it as a symbol of all that you have learnt, the new awareness about yourself as time passes.

Your hindsight is there to remind you to smile at how wise you have become and how much wiser you will become in future times.

I’d love to hear your comments on this – do you look back with regret or celebrate your ongoing wisdom??

As always, from my heart-space to yours
Marléne Rose Shaw

Transform Your Beliefs, Transform Your Life

New science proves that it is our core beliefs that drive the chemical changes in the body, control our thought patterns and essentially produce our reactions to the external world. If we can change what we believe about ourselves and the world around us, we can change our thoughts, and if we can change our thoughts… well, we can change anything.

Seven years on from the birth of Matrix Reimprinting – a powerful technique that uses EFT to resolve traumas from our past – its creator, Karl Dawson, has adapted his revolutionary technique to ensure that practitioners focus on core beliefs to achieve lasting change in their clients’ lives. This book explores how this work can help with everything from anxiety, grief, phobias and pain management, to parenting and self-image. Whether you are new to Matrix Reimprinting or have known its transformative power since the early days, this book gives you a step-by-step guide to changing core beliefs for yourself or for your clients – whatever the life issue.

By Karl Dawson and Kate Marillat

A Shortcut to Happiness

Gratitude

Where do you find happiness?

How happy are you today?

Are you waiting until you meet the right person? Get the right job? Have the perfect holiday? Achieve your goals and dreams?

Is it a case of when this or that “happens”… then I will be happy?

Many people treat happiness as something that’s there on the horizon, often sought after, never quite reached; yet happiness is something that you can choose to experience at any time, in any place and in any circumstances.

You are the author of your own life

The author Anais Nin said:

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.”

Every day, life presents you with a myriad of opportunities and events; these are the happenings that set the backdrop for your own personal life story, and you have the power to choose how you will respond or react to them.

How you choose to do so dictates whether you have happy experiences – or not. You are literally the author of your own life story.

You are a divine spark, a part of our ever expanding, ever creating universe – and as such you have a remarkable power within you. The power to make yourself happy at will.

When you turn your attention to all the gifts of your life you have the power to experience happiness in a heartbeat. Using gratitude is a fantastic way to take a shortcut to happiness.

It is without doubt that you get more of what you focus on

When we say “You get what you focus on” well of course we can see the sense in that statement.

  • “Focus on your studies and you will pass your exams….”
  • “Keep up the exercise routine and you will become fitter…”
  • “Look after the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves!”
  • “Compliment your partner and they will respond in kind”

Yet we often tend to let our focus on Gratitude sit in the background of our awareness. If we want to be happier – the trick is to bring it to the  forefront of our minds  – in doing this we can create that magical automatic wonderful – shortcut to happiness.

When you feel gratitude for all the aspects of your life; your relationships, your job your home, the birds singing, the fact that you have eyes with which to read this article you will feel immediate joy in your heart-space. In focusing on gratitude your thoughts move away from negativity and turn to the affirmative and optimistic. As you create more positive thoughts this in turn leads to more positive feelings, actions and so you create more things in your life to be grateful for. It is quite simple really:

The sunset is always there

Have you ever noticed the complete and utter delight in a small child as they learn to walk, and talk? The wonder in their eyes as they explore their world, its all such a gift! You were the same once – perhaps you have forgotten that now. But you can return to that amazing feeling by practicing gratitude – anytime …..

You don’t have to wait for something to happen to make you happier – in fact gratitude is about focusing on what is already there – be it big or small. Your life is a treasure chest of gifts !

Have you ever had the following experience – You get something new, you enjoy it for a while then you forget to enjoy it. It blends into the background or gets put away in a cupboard. Maybe you find it again one day and get a real thrill remembering how great it is – you focus back on the happiness it brought you, until of course you forget it, take it for granted…. And so it goes on. We tend to do this with all aspects of our lives, relationships, places, work ….. The sunset is always there – you enjoy it most when you remember to look at it.

People reflect on their relationships with others beyond material wealth

From time to time, I run a Gratitude List on a flip chart at my counselling practice. I ask those clients, where appropriate, if they would like to sign it. Gratitude in itself has a strong collective power, when you share your grateful thoughts with another – see the smile and the light in their eyes.It’s wonderful to see the list growing as the days go by and the smiles of people as they read others declarations of thanks – and add their own.

I’ve found over time that without exception people show most gratitude for the people in their lives, their family, their children, their friends. They don’t tend to talk about being grateful for their latest car or gadget – these things can complement your happiness but they are not the true source.

Practicing Gratitude

So how do you practice Gratitude on a regular basis?  Gratitude can be as simple as stopping to reflect on those things you have in your life to be thankful for. Sometimes it’s helpful to have some tools and techniques to help you practice. With this in mind I’ve put to together a fab Gratitude eCourse which takes just Ten Minutes a day, for just One Week. It’s completely Free and will give you a great shortcut to happiness.

I’d love to hear your experiences of gratitude. Do you feel the difference it makes to your happiness when you remember Gratitude? pop your comments in the box below.

As always, from my heart-space to yours
Marléne Rose Shaw

Image courtesy of pisitphoto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On Training To Be a Counsellor

As a Counselling Therapist

one of the roles I undertake is the Supervision of other Counsellor’s practice with their clients. Supervision provides an opportunity for the counsellor to notice and realise things that have not been at the surface of their awareness within their client/counsellor sessions. Supervision also offers a place for further learning, support and emotional safety for the counsellor and the client.

Charlie2Some of the supervisees I help in my role as Supervisor are trainee counsellors.
Trainee counsellor Charlotte is just coming to the end of her counselling training. Charlotte has very kindly offered to take part in this interview to share her experiences of the training process.

Hello Charlotte, Thank you for taking part in this interview. Perhaps you can start by telling us a little about yourself?

Hi, my name is Charlotte Day, I am 29 years old. I am a single mum of one; I have an 8 year old son. I work part time as a nursery nurse at my local nursery, where I have worked for some time. I am currently coming to the end of a full time degree in counselling.

People come to counselling training for different reasons – what path led you to want to do the degree?

Honestly sometimes I do wonder what led me down the path of counselling. I look back and think what was the turning point for me, what was that moment in time that I said to myself “right I am going to be a counsellor”.
Honestly it’s never been my lifelong dream since I was child; I always wanted to be a pop star. I can’t exactly pin point the time, but I remember roughly, it was a few years after I had my son and I sat contemplating what I would do with my life; then it was like a lightning bolt had hit me with this amazing idea, I would become a counsellor. I believe in fate, and I think this is what it wanted me to do.

What were your expectations before you started training?

I had none; I really didn’t know what to expect, I knew there was going to be a lot of learning involved, but the biggest shock was, it wasn’t just academic learning. The personal journey has hit me the most.

Most people feel a bit anxious when starting out on something new. Did you have any fears about the training before you started?

I don’t fear things beforehand, I fear in the moment; otherwise my anxiety gets the better of me. I go into things with no feeling whatsoever, if I did, then I would wonder what would be going on with my body in that moment. The anxiety that rushed through my body on my first day I remember that; the panic as I spoke, these new people who were they, what was to come?

What were you most enthusiastic about as you began to train as a counsellor?

As I began to train, the thing I was enthusiastic the most was actually doing something for me! All my life I had been a people pleaser, doing stuff to please others was always in my nature. In my life no one had pushed me in right direction, given me guidance or even said “you would be good at this” or “Charlotte, follow your dreams”.

It felt like it was my turn now to do what I wanted and to find myself.

What have you found the biggest challenges about training to be a counsellor?

Honesty I thought the academic side of the course would be my biggest challenge, but this is something I sailed through, I’m obviously more intelligent than I believed.

The personal journey was the toughest thing I’ve had to do in my whole life, I had hit rock bottom, my mind and my body at one point were not functioning to their best ability. I was scared, very scared but because I was learning I knew there was a way up, and there was. I took all my learning from the course and my new found self-awareness. I didn’t just pull myself up on my own; I had helping hands, because that is what counselling is all about, support!

Has there been anything about the counselling training that has surprised you?

I am surprised in myself and what I am capable of, I have nearly completed a degree! Through all the struggles and my vulnerabilities, I accomplished it all. I now believe how strong and determined and good I am.

What do you feel you’ve learnt about yourself through the counselling training?

The list is endless and is still on going, I learn something new about myself every day. Even now as tears roll down my cheeks as I write this, I can now regulate my emotions much better because I realise what emotions I’m actually feeling, and this is happiness! I don’t think I ever been so happy in myself, ok there are still bad days, and I believe we all still get them. But I know who I am now; I have never been so self-aware in my life. I spent years not feeling, because if I felt, I would be hurt, but it’s ok to feel, it makes us human.

Has the counselling training taught you about other people and humanity in general?

I’ve spent a lot my life hiding away in shadows in fear of getting hurt, never making strong attachments with other people, till I became a counsellor to others. Now I understand how ok it is to be vulnerable and to connect with other people – we all need that. The support you give to others at the lowest points in their life is the foundation to building a better one for yourself. I never knew how much love and support there was out there in the world. I have been reborn, I see the world in a different light, and I feel like I am viewing the world with new eyes.

What do you intend to do with your counselling training in the future?

Well I will finish my degree which I’ve worked so hard to get, and then honestly I will not practice for a year or so. Why? – The past two years have been filled with so much psychological knowledge and self-awareness; I need some time out to reflect on it all, and I will do this by writing my songs, which I am very passionate about, I can reflect and write, how awesome is that as writing is a fantastic way to reflect! I am sure a lot more learning will take place and hopefully I may get some songs published.

What is the single most important advice you would give to someone who wants to train to be a counsellor?

Be prepared to work on yourself and do it, do the course, its incredible. When I hit rock bottom, I thought to myself this was never worth it and I was going to give it up a few times; but something inside of me wanted to carry on and it’s the best decision I made; to have so much self-awareness at this age is a gift.

wood4I was sitting in the park the other day, lunch time, the sun was shining, the trees looked so green, and I could see the ripples on the pond. I listened to my music blissfully and I looked around and noticed that every other bench was occupied by people much, much older than me, though there I was doing exactly the same thing as them. I think people must get to a point in life where they truly begin to appreciate the little things in life. Those things are truly the big things though!

I believe the biggest gift you can give to yourself is self-care and the ability to be mindful. We as humans spend most of our life’s rushing around, and working so hard, sometimes we forget to just sit back, listen to music, feel the sunshine on our face and notice how green the trees are; you don’t have to be older to start to look after yourself or to appreciate what’s going on in the here and now because every morning you wake up is a new day and that new day is a gift.

That’s wonderful Charlotte – thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. I am sure that will be helpful and inspiring for people who are considering training as a counsellor. I wish you all the very best for your future as a songwriter and as a counsellor. Well done!.

Are you considering training to be a counsellor?

Perhaps you already have trained or are part way through a course? Charlotte and I would love to hear your comments. Just pop them in the box here.

Google

By Marléne Rose Shaw

Christmas Bah Humbug; it’s all in your head!

ID-10065838

“Bah!” said Scrooge, “Humbug!”

“Christmas a humbug, uncle!” said Scrooge’s nephew. “You don’t mean that, I am sure…”
Scrooge having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, “Bah!” again; and followed it up with “Humbug.”

With that infamous phrase, Scrooge certainly made his feelings clear about the festive season!

Today, 170 years later, I wonder what Charles Dickens would think of our attitudes to Christmas?

We all have something to say about Christmas. Some people see it as a time for celebration, sharing and joy. Others see Christmas as a time of stress and pressure.

Which of the following describes your thoughts about Christmas this year?

• “I hate Christmas!”
• “Wonder what presents I’ll get!”
• “It’s just one day what’s all the fuss?”
• “I can’t wait for Christmas!”
• “I have to grit my teeth and get through it!”
• “Ooh I love Christmas!”
• “It’s such an expensive time; it’s all so commercial”

I would guess that you have a combination of thoughts and feelings about Christmas. Certainly many of the clients I see in my counselling practice have expressed mixed feelings about the festive season this year.

Them out there

Each year I notice more and more that people have a tendency to assume that Christmas comes along and somehow just happens to them.
You see we tend to get caught up in a sort of “Out There” way of seeing the world.

We think of our Christmas as being created by all that stuff “out there”, those people “out there”, the media “out there”, the shops “out there” and so forth.

There’s only you in your reality!

A lot of people  struggle at this time of year and feel under a great deal of pressure. It’s really helpful to remember that your Christmas is up to you.

One of the more stressful things people tell me about Christmas is all the concessions and arrangements they have to make against their wishes. Sure you may have other people to consider and you may have to make some compromises in order to offer them kindness and consideration.

Inside your head, however, you do not need to compromise on the attitude you take to Christmas. You can choose to make your reality one of generosity of spirit if you would like to.

Your thoughts create your reality

All those expectations you have about Christmas, going round inside your head are made up of your thoughts.

Your thoughts are the mechanism by which you make sense of your world. You look about you and you use your thoughts to perceive all the alternatives on offer to you; then you make choices and decisions and take actions based on that. So your thoughts create your reality.

It’s all in your head

For thousands of years, spiritual leaders, philosophers and enlightened teachers have given us the same message

“You become what you think about”.

Likewise current day neuroscience reveals that we can “rewire” our brains by catching unhelpful thoughts and creating new helpful and positive thoughts.

So when I say Christmas is all in your head – I really mean Christmas is all in your head!

Making your Christmas memories

……. and every day the thoughts you choose affect the decisions you make and the actions you take; all this adds up to become your experiences. Those experiences then become the memories you have in the future.

This is wonderful; it means that you can create wonderful memories of this Christmas by choosing how you think about it now!

If you find yourself being a bit Bah Humbug about Christmas this year, take a moment to notice all those unhelpful thoughts and decide on some more helpful ones to focus on. Choose thoughts that serve you; that create happy experiences for you.

Consider thoughts about Christmas that are positive rather than negative. That are kind rather than uncharitable, that are sharing rather than selfish, that are compassionate rather than grumpy.

Our friend Scrooge had to go through rather a traumatic time to reach his happy Christmas!

All we need do is notice our thoughts!

So have a very, very Happy Christmas, make wonderful Christmas thoughts and wonderful Christmas memories …

………And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!ID-10045262

If you enjoyed this article, then get email updates (it’s free) :-)
Just pop your email address into the top right box.

Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Images courtesy of Grant Cochrane at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Learning To Swim


Once upon a time

in a land not too far from you, there was a very nice woman who lived in a very nice town.

The very nice woman had an average sort of job; it wasn’t a terribly exciting job but then again it wasn’t desperately dull either. She worked with a group of very nice people who were likewise neither dull nor exciting.

It was very hot that summer and the staff at her job decided it would be pleasant to get together one weekend and go to the outdoor pool. They asked the nice woman if she would like to join them.

As the nice woman didn’t often go to their social occasions she decided that this time it would be a good idea to join them.

There was just one problem – the woman couldn’t swim……

As the weekend drew closer the woman began to ponder on how she would deal with this problem.

Her options were:

• She could tell them that she couldn’t swim.
• She could say nothing, go and sit by the side of the pool and make some excuse for not swimming.
• She could go along and just paddle about in the shallow end of the pool.

That sounded quite appealing actually, the thought of the cool clear water on her skin. She decided she would paddle.

The week came to a close and the weekend was upon them. It was a beautiful hot and sunny July afternoon and everyone was enjoying their time at the pool. The woman slowly and tentatively stepped into the shallow end smiling and waving at the others as they swum up and down. She began to feel a bit self-conscious; she hoped no one would ask her why she wasn’t swimming.
After a while the woman began to think that it couldn’t be all that difficult. After all, the others were swimming up and down quite happily. They seemed to naturally stay afloat so surely swimming couldn’t be that difficult?

The woman decided that if she took courage and thought positive thoughts she would be able to swim too.
Yes! … She would be positive……She could do it!

She began to move her hands, pushing her way through the water ignoring her fears and doing her best. She managed to take her feet off the floor of the pool; and stayed afloat for a few moments moving her arms and kicking her feet. Splosh Splash.

“This is not too difficult at all” she thought as she travelled a few feet further through the water. I can do it! I can do it!

All of a sudden she faltered, her head went under the water and she began to panic and wave her arms around wildly… she was sure was going to drown!

The others noticed all the splashing and hurriedly rushed to rescue her.
Frightened and dejected, the woman had to admit to them that she really couldn’t swim at all.

“Well” they said “Why didn’t you say?…. We will teach you.”

And so they taught her. Without judgement or teasing, they carefully taught her how to keep her body low in the water, what movements to make with her arms and legs and how to stay afloat.
She put her trust in them.

The nice woman didn’t become an excellent swimmer that day but she certainly made a start. They went back every few weeks to help her practice until she became competent and strong in the water.
Learning to swim was a great achievement for the very nice woman and she began to think about what other things she may like to do with her life.

We Are Meant to Connect

Human life is all about expansion; about developing and evolving through each new experience. We have been gifted this wonderful life in order that we have can have all these magnificent experiences.
As children of one universal life energy we are quite naturally meant to connect with each other; to ask for help and support; to care and to share, to show compassion, kindness, love and consideration for each other. In fact our human race has survived by our very connection and cooperation with each other.

This is why learning to trust is so important.
If you have had difficult experiences where people have let you down, it is understandable that you may take an attitude that you have to go it alone; remember though that there are plenty more people in this world who want to nurture and support you.

Courage to Trust

Having a positive mental attitude is essential, but we need to combine that with trust! Lack of trust is often what keeps people stuck….. Yet when you take the courage to trust in others – you will often find that help is right there for you. In this way you can make the very best out of your life.
As for the very nice woman? – Well she doesn’t work in that job any more, although she did remain friendly with her colleagues. Now she has a much more interesting job; she works in a caring role supporting people who need her help. One of her tasks is to take them to the swimming baths and help them with their swimming….and of course they put their trust in her.

With Love and with Bliss
Marléne Rose Shaw

If you enjoyed this article, then get email updates (it’s free) :-)
Just pop your email address into the top right box.

Finding Your Inner Diamond

Diamond

In her inspiring blog

The Butterfly Journey, Kay Holdsworth says;

“Imagine you had a beautiful pure diamond and it got covered in horse manure and instead of cleaning it, you covered it in nail polish so that no- one could see or smell the manure! This story represents us, our true nature is like that shining diamond, but it gets covered in thoughts, emotions, ideas, judgments, labels…horse manure!
We then often put on a mask that we show to the world no-one can see our “baggage”, this is the nail polish! “

In my therapy practice I have been witness to this countless times over the years. We wear these “nail varnish” masks to hide our vulnerability because we are afraid that people will only see the horse manure. In fact often times we ourselves think there is only horse manure; we are not even aware of the shining diamond buried deep within us.

Love shines

Every person is born into this world in a state of grace. If you have ever watched a new-born baby you will have seen this made manifest. They are perfection complete as they radiate “simply being” in that state of pure Love; shining diamonds.

Love is the kernel of our universe; it is the core of all that is. Love is eternal and infinite and we, as beings that are made of universal substance, cannot be anything else but that pure Love too.

So as we each arrive here in this state of grace; our tiny bodies living breathing representations of this Love, we are each a wondrous creation. We are miracles who have the natural birth right to experience Love in its many forms; unconditional worth, value, joy, happiness, bliss, peace and inspiration.

So how is it that we forget all this?

From the time we are born, our caregivers are vested with the responsibility to remind us of our worth; to offer us unconditional validation and to value us so highly that grow up internalising their Loving messages; we know that we are shining diamonds.

Every life is a journey, a unique story. Every occurrence, every person we come into contact with, our environment, our location, our place in history even – all of these contribute to the beliefs we form about ourselves, about others and about the world at large.

If our caregivers are able to remind us in the early days that we come from Love and that we deserve Love then we form helpful beliefs.

There’s no such thing as a perfect caregiver

Of course not all caregivers are equipped to do this very well and in actual fact no caregivers are absolutely perfect. This is because they themselves are coming from their own experiences of being cared for – and so on, back through the generations.

So we take our beliefs, good or bad, helpful or unhelpful and we use them to create our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviours – which in turn lead on to our next thoughts,   feelings, decisions, actions and outcomes for us. … our life experiences.

If we have formed beliefs that are unhelpful, judgmental and unkind, then it is, as Kay says, as though our shining diamond has become covered in horse manure. So we try to mask this from the world by covering it with “nail varnish”.

Nail varnish is a mask

We put on this “nail varnish” in various ways; we tell lies for fear that people will see our faults. We hand over our power to ideologies of status and financial gain so that we will be worshiped. We judge others so that we will not be judged first, or we hide away from what we really want to do because we fear failure and ridicule.

Finding your inner diamond

This is very common; in fact many, many people have never really been reminded that they are shining diamonds – so how do we get to a place of knowing this to be the truth? And how do we get to a place of experiencing that?

There are various paths to happiness, inner peace and discovering your inner diamond. We can have some counselling sessions; we can work on our own self-empowerment; we can undertake self-help courses, read books and practice  meditation.

You can make a start by using a statement of recognition – an intentional affirmation.

I can suggest one here:

“Every day I see more and more that I am
a being of pure light and Love.  I am a shining diamond and I  deserve a life filled with Love,  joy and happiness.”

My dearest readers – Always know  in your heart that you are a shining diamond. As a part of our Loving universe you cannot be anything else.  You come from Love. You are Love and you will eternally be Love

Have you uncovered your shining diamond? Have you recognised that you have been masking your hurt with nail varnish? Have you come to a place of understanding your true self?
It would be great to hear from you. Leave your comment in the box below and share your experiences with others.

With Love and with Bliss
Marléne Rose Shaw

If you enjoyed this article, then get email updates (it’s free) :-)
Just pop your email address into the top right box.

Image courtesy of Anusorn P nachol at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lost In Translation

parrots

Your relationship is a precious

entity in its own right. It needs to be cultivated, nurtured and cared for with all the love that it deserves. In order to do this it is important to take the time to truly hear each other.

In these stressful times; financial worries and long work hours means it can be difficult to find that time. Busy work schedules and constant interruptions from all our wonderful technology can mean that there is little or no time devoted to communicating  together in ways that are loving, meaningful, beneficial and helpful to your relationship.

People Stop Really Listening to Each Other

Instead when life is stressful it can be easy to fall into bad patterns of indifferent and unclear communication. Messages get misread, meanings become distorted and people stop really listening to each other. In fact poor communication is one of the underlying issues that couples bring to counselling.

Poor communication is actually a bad habit – any behaviour that is repeated often enough becomes a habit and poor communication is no different. When a couple have fallen into this habit its very easy for short term disagreements to become long term fall outs. Each partner ends up feeling hurt, resentful and angry. They blame each other for not being able to understand them; very often completely confused about where it all went wrong. How did they get into that argument? They can’t even remember how it began!

Communication is a vast psychological subject covering many levels. Perhaps the most common experience of poor communication is what I like to call:

Lost in Translation

Lost in Translation happens when words and feelings become misaligned. The words don’t represent the underlying feelings at all. They simply represent the fear of showing those feelings.

When a couple become Lost in Translation they begin to adapt their language and use certain words and phrases because:

  • They want to win the argument
  • They don’t want to lose the battle
  • They don’t want to lose face
  • They feel embarrassed
  • They want to keep the peace
  • They want to hurt the other before they get hurt
  • They say what the other person wants to hear

 

Lost in Translation is never a genuine statement of true feelings. If you think about it – how many times in the middle of a heated discussion have you stopped and said:

  • I am scared you will think I am silly if I say how I really feel
  • I feel so ashamed and I don’t know what to do about it
  • It’s because I am guilty
  • I feel so hurt and I don’t know how to tell you in case you hurt me more

The language of Your Heart

Lost in Translation, each person is feeling the language of their heart yet speaking the language of fear  subconsciously decides to enter into a power game with their partner.

As one person makes a statement about something, the other may feel hurt, confused, and angry and they make a split second decision to say something back in defence. In truth this has nothing to do with how they are really feeling or what they really want to say – it’s just been filtered into something that they think will shield them from their vulnerable feelings.

The next thing you know doors are being slammed, voices are raised and a day out, or a day in, is ruined.

Becoming Lost in Translation is very common in relationships and with a little help it can be resolved. Once upon a time you were able to communicate in meaningful, loving, clear and beneficial ways; in fact that is what brought you together in the first place – speaking from your heart!

Taking the Risk

One of the great things about Couples Counselling is that it provides you the much needed space to take the risk to say what is really on your mind – from your heart and with the help of a qualified and experienced therapist who understands the processes unfolding. It’s wonderful to see couples opening up and sharing their vulnerability as they once did….and as they begin to share how they have really been feeling; their relationship becomes so much stronger.

When couples cease translating their vulnerable feelings into words of power and battle they quickly return to nurturing their relationship; for all the love that it deserves.

With Love and With Bliss

Marléne Rose Shaw

If you enjoyed this article, then get email updates (it’s free) :-)
Just pop your email address into the top right box.

For Couples Counselling in Weston-super-Mare Somerset visit my counselling website at www.npcounselling.co.uk

If you would like to make an appointment give me a call on

01934 642976.

If you would like to find out more about my practice or to email me simply click here to go to my website
Google

By Marléne Rose Shaw